Narcissists are Hard to Divorce!
I cannot tell you how many times a month I get an email or a call from someone dealing with a narcissistic personality. Every time I get this, I empathize. I know this person who is fighting because they’re tired of being pushed around thinks they are doing the right thing. But fighting a narcissist is never going to be easy in divorce, so you just need to fight smarter.
Narcissists always want to win, so you need to let them think they are!
The first step is to have them make you an offer if you can; this way you know what they’re thinking. Then you can structure your counter offer to be as close to this as possible to make them think they are getting what they want, even if it’s not totally fair. Why would I say this? Because negotiating with them for complete fairness will only waste money on the fight – narcissists want to win and will do whatever it takes to get the outcome they want. Not to mention the emotional toll it will take on you. So, instead, fight smarter!
Here’s an example:
The Narcissist offers $1000 a month in alimony, but you know you need $2000; Your temporary order says they will pay the mortgage of $1400.
NO one likes to pay alimony! So give them back an offer where they pay NO alimony, but continue to pay the mortgage payments. Make sure you include a clause in your divorce settlement that says if you decide to sell that property, you will get the same amount of payment each month equal to the original mortgage payment. Then, you need to find a way to make enough money monthly to cover the rest of your expenses. You can also potentially sell the house and buy something less expensive. You will continue to get the $1400 a month, but your expenses will be lower. The KEY POINT is that you’re not spinning your wheels fighting them over monthly alimony and using up your precious resources in legal fees!
Secondly, decide what is most important to you - whether it be your house or more time with the children - and focus your negotiations on those things. Don’t argue over items that aren’t meaningful to you. Let them WIN by giving them what you don’t want and walk away!
You will potentially waste so much money by trying to fight a narcissist with an attorney. Why? Because most attorneys want to win (sometimes at all costs) and you (and your pocketbook) will be the one to bear the brunt of it. You may have professionals who tout a designation to deal with narcissistic people, but in my experience, the best way to deal with a narcissistic personality is to get away from them as quickly as possible even if you do not get all you want.
At The Financial Knot® we can provide creative financial solutions to fight a narcissistic spouse, minimizing your emotional stress and helping you find your freedom! Contact us today to find out how we can assist. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
The Financial Knot® is another business name for Independent Advisor Alliance, LLC. All financial planning advice is offered through Independent Advisor Alliance, LLC, a registered investment advisor.
